Repeat
by tipsyTimaeus
Summary: Highschool!stuck AU for homestuck featuring Dirk and Jake. Two boys who originally were madly in love are slowly falling apart and it seems like their relationship is unable to be mended back together.
1. Prologue

_Your name is JAKE ENGLISH._

_And you're in love._

Indeed, this boy was madly in love. His heartbeat would pick up, throat become dry and words would fail to pass through his parted lips. Cheeks would turn into a dark hue of red which is only more obvious against his tanned complexion. On warm, sunny afternoons, most notably after he had left his high school, he was seat himself on the grass and think. Allow his mind to wander to places, but not just any place. He'd daydream of traveling with his crush, his love of his life. Thoughts differed and changed from discovering temples in South America to making out in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Alas, all things could not be true.

He always had an itching feeling, a thought that tugged at the back of his mind that people always fancied him: his close friends, Roxy, Jane and Dirk to be specific. And dear _god _had Jake spent hours by himself tossing and turning in bed at night, trying to convince himself that **no, **he **wasn't **in love with one of his best friends. The feeling had grown so strong in his chest that he couldn't deny it anymore. He knew everything about them: from the way they walked, their vocabulary and their sense of style. He'd memorized the fine details in their facial features and yes, Jake knew this wasn't right but he couldn't help it.

Before, he had consulted another friend, Jane, on the matter and she suggested it could just be a phase, high school romances were typically false hope but it didn't feel that way. No, not now. She was a sweet gal and yes, Jake was convinced she had some sort of romantic liking to him but brushed it off because he felt selfish, he felt like his romance was more important. It was so complex, so confusing and required full attention… didn't it?

Dirk Strider would flirt, endless flirting and ask things that may have been a bit… _suggestive_, to say the least, or just geeky little, "I'll have you swooning sooner or later, but don't worry: I'll catch ya." in that accent of his and oh _god yes. _Jake just wanted to tell him that Dirk already had him swooning, already had him here to bend at his every will. But he couldn't. Couldn't sum up the courage to speak up because thats all this was to Dirk: a game. A game where he would play with Jake's emotions without even knowing it. Jane and Roxy would tell Jake that no, Dirk was always like this. It doesn't mean anything.

Could it?

It had been a rainy evening, Jake had been caught under the droplets of water without an umbrella was waiting at the bus stop for the bus to arrive when Dirk had approached from behind with an umbrella. A smirk had been drawn across his lips and he made a cheesy comment on how anime this was, how they should kiss passionately under the umbrella. Shifting nervously, Jake's gaze had flickered from side to side, chewing on his bottom lip. A hand reached up and lips met lips.

That had been your first kiss.

Your first kiss with the one you loved.

But when they did start to date, everything felt pressured and Jake's feelings began to dwindle. Romantic feelings, anyway. He would lay in his empty bed on those cold nights while the Strider was away somewhere, whereabouts unknown to Jake. Rain poured down outside his window and stay awake, thinking of his relationship with Dirk. Did he love Jake… for him? Jake loved Dirk with all his heart: for who he was, not this facade he had going on behind those dark shades. But sometimes, it felt like Dirk was only there to change him. Change him into something he… _wasn't. _A weapon of some kind. Thoughts would whirr in and overtime, he'd convinced himself that no. Dirk didn't love him and it was all in Jake's head.

So he'd went along with it for the most part. Jake had already moved in with Dirk, at night they would cuddle and whisper sweet nothings every once in awhile but Jake had began to refuse to cuddle, move close to him after his paranoid thoughts began to eat away at his feelings of love for him. In the beginning of the relationship, it had been Jake asking Dirk to pay more attention to him: not just make a "brobot" to keep him company or a "Auto Responder" to talk to him and _replace _his best bro. The tables had turned and Jake would leave Dirk, days on end without returning home, answering calls and just stay at his friend Roxy's house.

The time was probably around 2 AM when Jake was awoken by his phone which continuously beeped to signal that he had received a message. He'd probably left his boyfriend for a good, solid five days without any communication. Jake reached out, blindly searching the nightstand for his phone. Retrieving it, he read through the message.

**TT: **Jake? Fuck, man, you're really starting to worry me.

**TT: **Five days. I can't go to sleep like this, you haven't told me anything. Just up and left.

**TT: **Like usual but…

**TT: **Pick up your damn phone.

**TT: **Please.

**TT: **I just need to hear your voice and make sure you're okay.

"_I really should…" _Jake thought, biting down on his lip as he stared at the glowing screen in the darkness of the room. Fingers reached towards the keypad, about to type back at reply and think up of a good lie to feed him. Something to give Jake more time. "I…" he watched, typing in a single 'I' before deleting it, "… I can't." Jake breathed out, placing the phone on the nightstand and watched as it flickered with more texts from Dirk and the occasional call. He rolled over in the bed to face away from the phone, pulling the covers over his face and shutting his eyes tightly.

_Your name is JAKE ENGLISH._

_And you can't do this anymore._


	2. Chapter 1

The sun was bright and rays of light streamed in through the blinds from the window of the room Jake was sleeping in. He moaned, rolling over in bed as he tried to pull the heavy blankets over his face to shield his green eyes from the light. That was, until his phone began to ring loudly. Dirk had given up on trying to call Jake at some random point in the middle of the night and he wasn't ready to see if it was him or not. But it was inevitable. Shifting in his position on the bed, he sat upright and put on his glasses. Jake's hand reached for his phone and clicked the green button, raising the phone to his ears, "Salutations! Jake English here. How may I assist you?" he spoke into it, expecting to hear Dirk's panicked voice.

But it wasn't.

"Jake!" Jane's voice came from the other end, "Shucks, Strider came over in such a panic about you that he had _me _worried for a second! Its a huge relief to hear your voice, he made me think you were kidnapped or something of the sort!" she told Jake and he could practically hear the girl's smile on her rosy cheeks. What a doll, honestly. He recalled before him and Dirk had started dating. Jake had told Jane it was her chance to come forward and speak up but she seemed alright with the relationship between him and Dirk.

"Did he now? I can assure you, old gal, that I'm top notch! Just woke up from a slumber a—" Jake was suddenly cut off by a murmuring of voices on the other end and you could hear them (whoever "them" was) trading the phone. "Jake…?" He heard.

It started English at first to hear the familiar voice of his boyfriend. "Ah, Dirk, how are you do—" Jake began again, only to get cut off a second time. Real polite people he hung out with, huh? Tch, well, they were his friends afterall so he supposed he could let it slide.

"Dude, holy fuck. I have been trying to talk to you for _days. _Where have you been? Did you not get my messages?" Dirk inquired, worry and hurt laced within his tone. It felt like a stab right through Jake's heart and made guilt wash over his body all at once. There was no lying, he'd done enough of that and there was no way he was going to get away with that shit now.

"Oh uhmmm…" Jake began to respond awkwardly, slowly getting out from the covers of the bed and standing on the floor. He shuffled around for some clothes and to get out of these pajamas, phone still resting between his shoulder and his ear. "I've become quite accustomed to Roxy's presence as of late." he told the other, "I thought it would be a great way to–"

"For five days? Why didn't you tell me you and Rox were going to be hanging out?" Dirk asked, a sharp tone in his voice now and replacing the one of worry.

It was doubt.

Jake pursed his lips, having to stop searching around for clothes, "Bro, I am not cheating on you or any of that malarkey I'll have you know! Roxy is actually sound asleep in _her _room whilst I was resting my eyes in the guest bedroom.

"Jane came all the way over to my house just to call you and see if you'll pick up since clearly you aren't first in line to talk with Dirk Strider. First try you'll talk to Jane. What'd I do, man? This shits crumbling down. You had to press one button. One fucking button and just told me you were okay." Dirk responded and Jake can hear the background noises of Dirk standing up from a chair he was sitting on. "I've missed you and… do you not trust me? Is that what this is? This has been going on for way longer than you know. Is this some sick, twisted form of entertainment for you? Watching the robotic, emotionless Dirk flail about for you…?" he asked, quieting down.

"Golly gee, Dirk, I'm genuinely sorry—"

"Yeah. I can just tell you're simply _oozing _with your sorrowful compassion. Really." he replied.

Jake chewed down onto his bottom lip, reaching up and pulling the phone away from your ear as you tried to formulate some kind of weak response. He sighed, bringing the phone back to his ear.

"Its over." Jake murmured into the phone before his thumb pressed onto the red button to hang up, leaving a most likely speechless Dirk at the other end.


	3. Chapter 2

But Dirk wasn't. Actually, he had been expecting those **exact **words to come out of his boyfriend's mouth. He wasn't sure how it had happened, but something was wrong with Jake. Jake had always been a bit forgetful, sure, but it seemed like his memories were there one minute and then flung out the window. Luckily Dirk had been noting down these possible causes of memory loss and recalled when Jake would wake up in the morning, complain of aches in the morning, constantly tense or jumpy and… for what reason? There were days Dirk insisted Jake just stay at home due to extreme dizziness, headaches and the such. He would lay down with the English, whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he tried to calm the other down but he was always… _stressed, _irritated easily and maybe it was because the two of them had began to get into fights. Maybe it was school and the weight of society's expectations.

Dirk was going to protect Jake from that.

In addition to these symptoms, came a rather forgetful mind. Hoping to help Jake, Dirk had plastered sticky notes with reminders all over them. Simple things like, "_Remember you've already finished all your homework" _or maybe something sweet, "_You owe me a kiss, dude." _and they were now scattered around your apartment you shared together. Sure, it worked out for awhile there until…  
_it _happened.

Jake had broken up with Dirk.

No, not what had happened a few seconds ago but similar: he'd began to distance himself from Dirk until one day, he received a call at 2 AM in the morning from Jake and the only thing he had said was, "_Its over." _before immediately hanging up. Three days later, Jake had come back to the apartment, lazily grinning at Dirk and wrapped his arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his lips. Dirk had been baffled, confused and then realized that Jake had no recollection of the breakup.

Thinking of this as a new opportunity, Dirk tried to change things and be a better boyfriend this time. But the English wasn't cooperating. He was still always stressed, still always so forgetful but Dirk had never had the heart to tell him they had already broken up. He was so madly in love and desperate to keep Jake…  
And now, for possibly the fifth time, Jake had broken up with him.

It almost felt as if things were on…  
_repeat._


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: **Sorry I haven't been updating recently! A lot of things have been happening in real life and inspiration for new chapters is difficult to come by, so many apologies for that. Thanks for being patient, guys! I'll try to update more often. uwu If you have any ideas for what could happen in the story, you could review or shoot me a message. It'd be awesome! Thanks.

_-_ **_tipsyTimaeus_**

* * *

"What'd he say?" Jane asked, looking at Dirk expectantly for an answer. She hadn't picked up on the conversation but judging from Dirk's facial expressions, it appeared to be pretty awful. Or something of it was.

Dirk pursed his lips, sitting back down onto the chair and letting the phone drop onto the wooden table. "… Fuck." he murmured, folding his arms and burying his face in his sleeve. "Nothing. He's all right. Just has me worried and on the edge of my goddamn seat. Its fine. You can… head home." the blond told her. Without even listening to her reply, Dirk stood from the chair again, taking his phone and turning around to stalk off into his bedroom where he would attempt to get his mind off of things by pestering Roxy. She'd tell him what was going on, they were so close and overall, amazing friends.

Shutting the door behind him, he plopped down in front of his computer, logging on and almost immediately, he saw a box pop up on the screen. It wasn't Roxy, it was someone else.

Oh fuck. It wasn't Jake either – as if he'd want to talk after that.

No, it was Dirk's younger brother, Dave.

* * *

**turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]**

**TG:** bro

**TG:** dude

**TG:** you need to be honest with me i gotta ask you a question

**TT:** Yo.

**TT:** Fire away, man.

**TG:** yeah since you and english have been off doing the man tango of romance together you havent had much time with me

**TG:** btw congratu fucking lations on that catch sailor. the great jake fish of the lake

**TG:** we were thinking of watching a sequel of one of johns dorky as all hell movies

**TG:** you and jake in?

**TT:** Well, shit, man.

**TT:** Things haven't been all rainbows and ponies with us as of late.

**TT:** I'm sure he'd rather kiss his the corpse of his deceased grandmother than want to catch a movie with us. But if you have the idea that you could somehow convince him to go then fuck, try.

**TT:** We broke up, bro. Its over. That shit fell down harder than the london bridge.

**TG:** jesus fucking christ no way

**TG:** that was sarcasm for your information

**TG:** weve been messaging a bit to be honest with you so i sort of saw it coming

**TG:** didnt you guys break up like what

**TG:** two or three months ago? dude if you havent said a single word after that then dont fucking say youve been trying to be friends with him like goddamn

**TG:** i know you gotta nurse a broken heart and all that but you cant avoid him forever

**TT:** I'm not avoiding him.

**TG:** omg

**TG:** yes you are bro if its been_ three months_

**TG:** didnt you guys used to be like best no homo guy friends before you got all lovey dovey?

**TG:** yeah if thats the case theeeeeeen

**TG:** youve dug yourself a hole down into the mystical caverns of royally fucked and earned the title of romance dodger

**TT:** Fuck no. If anyone has been avoiding anything its English.

**TT:** Its a long story, maybe I'll just pass up on that shitty movie.

**TG:** bro im not letting you throw away him

**TG:** who am i going to flirt with when its video game night and you used to bring jake over

**TG:** cmon i got all day man tell me whats up with you and him

**TT:** I don't know for sure but I think he has some sort of sadistic game going on called "Neglect Dirk Strider" where the goal is to make him feel like the biggest pile of shit ever by ignoring my existence.

**TT:** Look, its nothing that I can't handle.

**TT:** I'm all right. Don't worry about it. You're my little bro, you don't need to concern yourself over this.

**TG:** dont pull that "im your big bro and i dont need help from you" bullshit

**TG:** spit it out or ill pester jake about it myself

**TT:** Its not going to work.

**TG:** what? why not?

**TT:** He can't remember shit. He has the memory span of a goldfish I swear to god.

**TT:** I've resorted to leaving sticky notes around our place to remind him of things or to tell him, "Yo dude. You've already done this, don't stress over that science project from last week, you already did it."

**TT:** It doesn't end at schoolwork.

**TT:** We broke up a total of five times. He doesn't remember any of those times except today, he's convinced its the first time we've broken up. Five fucking times and goddamn its not fair. Its not fair that he has no idea what kind of… of effect he can have on me and my emotions.

**TG:** tell him you guys already broke up? leave a pink sticky note on his forehead that clearly states single

**TG:** whenever he looks in the mirror he will be reminded simple as that man

**TT:** Haha. Right...

**TT:** Its okay, Dave.

**TT:** We're just not in a relationship anymore. Ask if he wants to go to the movies. I'm...

**TT:** I'm not feeling it tonight.

**TT:** See you later, little man.

**timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]**

* * *

Dirk stared at the screen for a few minutes, mentally slapping himself in the face for telling Dave any of that. He had to keep his cool, be the older brother and be there for him. Hopefully Jake would have a good time at the movies with him. It wasn't like he wanted Dirk in the first place, right? With a sigh escaping his parted lips, Dirk logged off of pesterchum. He couldn't talk to Roxy, even that one conversation with Dave had drained him.

He rose from his seat, what he needed was a hot, warm shower that could wash away the aching in his heart. It was impossible that a simple shower could heal his emotions, but nonetheless, he left towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and leaving the computer light illuminating in the darkness of his room.


End file.
